The Female paradox

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them -  Genesis 1:27 [ No wonder people struggle to understand God. How can they if the 'female' kind is an image of Himself ]

Just as there are finger prints, there are women in this world. Unique and incredibly complex.  A casual trip to Veegaland [ a.k.a Wonder La ] is what has inspired me to write this note. An year ago I was in love.  Yes ,Yes. submerged in the sea of love. And I still remember pushing my 2 month old punto to the very same amusement park and the subsequent romantic evening, as if it happened yesterday.  For an average Indian desperate male, even the role of a driver can be a very stimulating experience.
Here I am now, sitting 'single' in the balcony of my house, struggling through Dr.John Gray's "  Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. "  [ Trust me.  One must be VERY disturbed to read that sort of crap ]
Men may prove that E= Mc^2 is wrong. Might travel backwards to see the big bang. Create a restaurant at the end of the universe.  But when it comes to women, men will always remain clueless. 
Do NOT 'assume' a girl to be like your guy friend. It never works. A sentence, a phrase, a word, for that matter even the colour of your T-shirt can be interpreted in infinitely different ways by her. 
For example : SMS Scenario # 1


Girl : Hey whaddup? [ Apparently there is no such thing as grammar and spelling when girls text. Don't try replying in the same manner though. ]
Guy : *writing an assignment * What else is UP on a hot sunday afternoon :-/
No reply
No reply
Guy : Err ..you alive ?
No reply
Guy: Hei!

Guy goes to the 'sent items' . Retrospection beings.
Guy: *to himself*  Damn. Shouldn't have used the bloody emoticon.  Oh shoot. was 'UP' in caps. She must've assumed I was terribly corny. The sentence does look terrible and not cute. Lord!

Next day morning 


Girl: Never EVER talk to me like that. 
Guy: Hei I'm sorry, I did not mean to be corny.
Girl: What corny you moron! When someone asks you something ALWAYS reply positively like " Hei I am doing good," and then ask " how are you? " , understand? I was feeling terribly low yesterday. And you? Always cruel !!!


Unpredictability runs in their blood. Tell a girl ' I love you 'and you are being mushy and boring; don't and a message will come someday, saying " if only you had said how much you loved me BACK THEN." With women, even expecting the unexpected won't work.
Pamper them- you are being possessive; give them the space and freedom- you don't have enough time for them. Be stubborn and frank - you are the chauvinist;  adjust - you have no backbone.

Which reminds me of a story my granny once told me. After death one goes to this purgatory [ or hades or Limbo or whatever it is called ]. Below is Hell, Heaven above.  There would be a rope connecting you to heaven. Thickness of rope directly proportional to your good deeds. Initial thickness is equal to the width of your hair[ so shampoo your hair regularly].  If the rope breaks while you are climbing , you fall down into hell [ and hence working out wouldn't be a bad idea].
Lets assume that heaven in the story means a happy,satisfied girl. Chances of you 'reaching' there are as slim as that rope. So only make an attempt when you are sure that your hair is strong and that 'heaven' is worth the trouble. Hell as we all know is quite simply hell.
There are examples wherever you look. Take Sorjini Naidu's " Queen's rival ", the story of the unsatisfied queen Gulnaar.  Her husband does everything possible but she still says "O King, my heart is unsatisfied." Until one fine morning her kid snatches the mirror from her. Talk about making the King, a complete ass! Women are complicated.
Think Cleopatra of Egypt, Helen of Troy[Sparta]. All mean self-centered women who made men go crazy. But somehow my mind keeps jumping to that utterly insignificant scene in Nicolas Cage's ' It could happen to you' when Muriel's Indian architect says " Women! You can't live with them. OR without them! " And that will always be the case. Perplexing She might well be, but Men will always be fascinated.

A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.  ~Arnold Haultain

PS: This is a very personal blog .Attempts at "being funny", as i like to call them.  Do NOT take the contents seriously. In fact I do think guys are worse. [ which should be quite evident from the post :P ]