“Life isn't weird:
it's just the people in it.”
I distinctly remember that day when I travelled alone in a
private bus for the first time. I was the first fourth grade girl to do that.
My dad was away on his usual business trips and mom couldn’t get out of the
bank due to ‘closing related activities’ if I remember right. And I had always
wanted to travel alone. Dad had agreed but only after being promised that I
would stay away from strangers.
Somehow ever since that school annual day I’ve lived my life
with an aversion for strangers, which is remarkably ‘strange’ for a fashion
photographer, who has to deal with weird people all day long. But that’s how I’ve
been all my life. Some guys even used to think I’m a lesbian because I kept
turning their offers down.
So it came as a big surprise when my good old daddy, came
barging into my room on a Sunday morning an year back and said, ‘Honey. You
should get married.’
“Dad but I don’t even have a boy friend.”
“Perfect. You were always a good a girl. I’ll find you the
perfect guy.”
Not knowing how to react, I had simply given him the Indian nod – Diplomacy at its very
best! I don’t know how many of you have noticed this but we Indians have this
uncanny habit of nodding in the same manner, whether it’s a yes or a no,
thereby giving the recipient the freedom to choose what’s best for him.
Dad’s words did haunt me for a couple of days. What had he meant by ‘you were’? Did that
mean I’m no longer a good girl? Or did he want me to stop being a good girl?
And why did ‘he’ have to find the ‘perfect guy’? Did he think I’m incapable of
finding one myself?
After a while the apprehensions faded away, as I came
to understand my inability to socialize. I had a talent for making the model
pose the way I wanted her to, but beyond that I was a mannequin. Devoid of such
activities that’s considered human. Such was my fame at the workplace that I
still remember that morning when I had found a picture collage with myself,
Kristen Stewart and Arjun Rampal on my desk. Initially I had assumed it to be a
complement from someone in the office until Sudha pointed out clearly, what the
creator had implied - Lack of expression.
A month after ‘Dad day’, men in white started bringing their families along to feed
on my mom’s home-made biscuits and tea. I actually found it quite an enjoyable
experience as I watched the marvel of photoshop first hand! From skin tones to
height, everything was different from their cliché profiles ABCmatrimony site.
When inquired one guy had casually replied that his friend was a ‘professional
photographer.’
So these ‘professional photographers’ working for the
National Geographic must be taking pictures of rats and then ‘professionally’
converting them to lions and leopards. How dare they walk into my home and
insult my profession.
One particularly rainy day though, a shy guy walked in
with his mother. The cute smile he bore was accompanied by a voice which
introduced himself as Nithin - A travel writer by profession, a photographer by
passion. I did not feel the world going bonkers around me but I must admit, the
prospect of spending an entire life with this sweet smiling travel lover had
seemed very attractive.
We slowly developed a habit of meeting up for lunch on weekends, whenever
possible, and then travelling to quiet places in the city that I had no clue
about. He was good and remarkably very quiet. Always doing the right things and
it sometimes caused me some pain. The guy seemed so genuine and I knew all too
well that I was just acting. I am not a good person. I enjoy the solitude,
especially the peace associated with it. Given a choice I’d always read a novel
and eating mom’s food on weekends.
The acting continued and to the onlookers we had become the perfect couple. Kristen Stewart had found her Arjun Rampal. Except for one minor glitch, it was a
textbook relationship. The glitch, courtesy the engagement card which had
Nanathaniel printed on it instead of Nithin, had given me a scare. The
strange fact that I didn’t know the actual name of my fiancé! Nithin was his ‘pet’
name, as his sister Nita had described to me later that day. And Nita, not so
remarkably, was actually Natasha.
*---*---*
Sera, another photographer at Vogue, had raised a very interesting topic during
the lunch break after the cover-shoot for December’s edition.
According to her, I was living the perfect
Indian woman’s dream - To have a ‘love cum arranged’ marriage.
Remarkably, very few in our country gets to
marry the person he/she likes with the ‘blessings’ (that’s the word they use)
of their parents. The phrase seemed pretty stupid to me. It is either
love marriage or arranged marriage. Love, when you
marry the person you like. Arranged, when you marry the person your parents
like. If your parents allow you to marry the person you like, it’s simply love
marriage. And if you love the guy your parent’s found, it’s still an arranged
marriage. And Sera had completely neglected the fact that I wasn’t even sure if
I was in love with Mr. Pet Name.
*---*---*
I got married today. In a little church with very few
relatives to bother, just the way I had always wanted. (It had been my decision
but I bet Nithin wanted that as well). The evening party was enjoyable as we
had convinced some our friends to take photographs with higher ISO, thereby
saving me from the unbearable ‘light’ that followed the bride on her wedding
day.
Making love wasn’t all that scary either. Nithin had walked into his room, or
rather our room, kissed me on the forehead and everything that followed was
remarkably simple. All those Sunday afternoon novels had given me some
apprehensions that weren’t necessarily justified, as I learned.
But somehow, as I lie on the bed staring at the blurry shadow the ceiling fan
made while Nithin’s warm breath caressed my cheeks, doubts begin to rise in my
heart. Was this love? Isn’t all this a little ‘too’ perfect? Would I be able to
sustain this? Will Nithin EVER be angry? Has he had a lover before? Was I good?
“Rummaging in our
souls, we often dig up something that ought to have lain there unnoticed.”
Wasn’t it Tolstoy who said that? Anna Karenina if I remember
right.
Only time will reveal the truth
in that statement.
And suddenly Nithin kissed my cheeks and said, “You know, I never imagined my first
time to be this way.” For the first time that night I looked at him, straight
in the eye, smiled and thought to myself ,
‘One
night and the poor thing has already started being honest.’
PS: I wanted to write about love and relationship from a girl's perspective. Hope I've done justice. Your comments on how to improve would be very helpful. This article was written as a part of Indiblogger's Love Marriage ya Arranged marriage competition in association with Sony Entertainment Television
.
PPS: If you want to read the story from Deborah's perspective click here.
6:30 PM
Nevin
