Saturday, October 31, 2009

Death and all his friends!

i could make out little jessica clinging on the her daddy's shoulder.i hadn't seen seen benji jr since morning and i started wondering if that would be the last time ever.i smiled at the thought of my son,his two kids and his wife. they made the cutest of families.
slowly my vision started becoming blurred and i wondered "is this it?".i wanted to open my eyes but i couldn't and i clenched my fists fearing the 'inevitability'.after all death was just that right?something that had to happen.
"dont be scared,dont be scared..."

why would anyone fear death?it not as if its painful ryt?or is it?but pain is a finite quantity.there's got to be a limit.why still fear death? especially with the state of the art medicines making it impossible to feel any sort of pain.there are so many ways of looking at death but ultimately we all fear it.
" we all wanna go to heaven but we are too scared to die!" the bitter irony.

A question that is linked with the fear of death is the concept of 'afterlife'. every religion i know speaks about it,and the concept does exist even among gothic and similar sub cults.But 'after life' is a subject for another day.
i've been wondering about 'death' and why it is that we fear it.i myself cant really make out why but the truth still remains, 'i am too scared to die'.
Death is certainly an inevitability.forget the alchemists,the templar knights and sorcerer's stone, death brings about 'equilibrium' and with the ever rising population death is a certainly a blessing.those who are fimiliar with the butterfly effect or the chaos theory[as explained beautifully in crichtons 'jurassic park'] deals with the concept of equilibrium.["Chaos theory is a branch of mathematics which studies the behavior of certain dynamical systems that may be highly sensitive to initial conditions. This sensitivity is popularly referred to as the butterfly effect.As a result of this sensitivity, which manifests itself as an exponential growth of error, the behavior of chaotic systems appears to be random. That is, tiny differences in the starting state of the system can lead to enormous differences in the final state of the system even over fairly small timescales. This gives the impression that the system is behaving randomly. This happens even though these systems are deterministic, meaning that their future dynamics are fully determined by their initial conditions with no random elements involved. This behavior is known as deterministic chaos, or simply chaos." courtesy]
kamal hassan's dasavataram certainly speaks about it but the movie was so horrible people hardly noticed.while chaos theory refers to the randomness,butterfly effect deals with the death might actually be a part of a 'greater sequence' we men can't understand.
while science sees death as a biological process, it is hard for a common man to accept it as "just tht".
to some, 'death' is a reflection of how we live our lives.i have found it very tough to understand because i have seen really good people suffering at hospitals while the villains get shot on their head and gets an easy 'death'.but maybe 'death' aint just 'end of life'. by having it easy myt mean "being free of guilt" and or the feeling of "having lived life to the fullest".
but are these possible? u myt have been the richest but u still could've loved ur wife a little more and so on. man's desire and greed is never ending.u always have something left undone.

"guys,he is going into an arrest.hit him at the count of three. one,two,...."

Is death a sign of weakness?the 'ultimate destruction'.to some it myt well be. life is never easy, and havin struggled and fought ur way thru it, death is just another obstacle on our path.a wall. only we cant cross it!it is discouraging and certainly demoralizing.and what more the anxiety of wht lies beyond is 'disturbing'.
to some people death is nothing but a conclusion to a great purpose that has been served and the beginning of a new is short and to have lived it for others is a feeling one can be proud of.but ultimately when u are in ur deathbed , can u be satisfied with what u have done with ur life? those who can are a different kind!Deific!Pious!And righteous!they c it as a transformation from their physical self to the spiritual.
But Death to man is a goodbye. a goodbye to all he all he had!to all he had wanted.and to all he had loved. it isnt easy.infact it is scary.
our lives have been spent, sharing love with the loved ones, fighting it out to be the best with the competitors, and sudden loss of what he was and what he could is terribly firghtening.and hence arises the greatest fear of death.Being forgotten.regardless of how we try to cover it, the fact still remains that we are frightened by the thought of losing our identity.we are afraid of what might happen to void left by us, and we are scared of wht would happen to our dear ones whn we no are no longer present.

"Life lives,life dies,
Life laughs,life cries,
Life gives up and life tries.
But life looks different through everyones' eyes." and so it goes for death".

"gosh wher have they put me now? its so dark in here!is this the morgue?but i am not dead!have they made a mistake?heh i am alive and its so damn cold.."
and he walked out of his bed to the bright door he could see at the end of the hallway.he walked and walked, and never got tired until he finally managed the knob. he opened and "Sheila..!"

The nurse brought the baby to his dad.he had the brownest of eyes and black hair like his mom. He took jr to his mummy,kissed her on the cheeks and said" lets name him after benjamin's dad!"

"For death begins with life's first breath And life begins at touch of death”

Saturday, October 17, 2009

cherry flavoured antacids[special thanks to aristotle for helping me out]

"'tis a common proof
That lowliness is young ambition's ladder,
Whereto the climber-upward turns his face;
But when he once attains the upmost round,
He then unto the ladder turns his back,
Looks in the clouds, scorning the base degrees
By which he did ascend. So Caesar may;
Then, lest he may, prevent.
"- Cassius

I had wanted to call Nithin, an old classmate, and since i couldn't find his number in the ALL PURPOSE sleek and sexy gadget,accused of reducing testosterone quantity[/quality, i really don't know which] i immediately dashed to my TV shelf and took out my secondary database for phone numbers, THE SLAM BOOK.
I made the call but dint throw the book away. instead i went through all the stupid questions and naive answers and smiled! "kids!". i never knew i had grown all boring but then maybe its because every single thing we talk at college directly or indirectly ends up with sex or long legs!how ignorant had i been back at school[well at least i wasn't all that BAd]!
i scrolled through the pages until i read this " dated until the sun becomes a black hole or until u get some facial hair, whichever comes first!] [OUCH!!!]
well i looked at the page she had written with multicoloured sketch pens and slowly uttered her name. GOSH its been so long since i've heard from her! and to think we were best friends till tenth.sports champion.awesome wit. and then she had to switch schools due to personal problems.still we met occasionally and then someone dear to her passed away. had to re shift.din't do all tht well in the kerala entrance exams and now i hardly have any info.
Is life always like this?how can two ppl, especially with the modern day technology, not be in contact?but the truth is we always resort to putting the blame on our work,teachers,boss,and even the service providers[fU*ck em all for charging too much for our phone calls] instead of accepting our own mistakes. i really dont know if it has happened to anyone reading this but it happens to me all the time.
gone are the times when friendship was a feeling of a heart.these things are now value based. if the old one ain't up to the expected mark, dump em or replace them.
and the saddest part is WE DON'T realize what we r doing. it has been so neatly engraved in our minds that we hardly feel odd doing it.
i guess its high time we sat down and analysed what friendship really is."Not everything in life is loved.only the lovable things are".[quote of the day]
lets break down "friendhsip" into three groups.
*Things that are good
*things that are pleasant
*and things that are useful.

Take things that are good. Do friends love what is good for other friends, or what is good for themselves? Clearly, there could be differences of opinion here - like the individual who loves their friend’s intellect whilst themself being somewhat challenged, or the individual who loves their friend’s wit whilst being themselves rather dull. And this could cause must
be the case that in friendship, people love what seems good or pleasant or useful to them- and perhaps they unconsciously keep their fingers-crossed that they are lovable for some good, pleasant or useful thing that they offer to their friend.

Friendship is goodwill between reciprocating parties. It sounds a little dry for a definition, but surely captures a truth.

The first group are friends primarily because they are useful to each other – like
an employee and a boss, or a doctor and a patient, or a politician and an ally; they share goodwill because they get something out of the relationship. Those who love each other because they are useful do not love each other for themselves but insofar as some good that they get from each other.but this relation cant last. you change your company or u loose your hand in an accident and then there's no mutual "usefulness".
The second group are friends primarily because some pleasure is enjoyed by being with them; it may be the football, the shopping, the gossip or physical intimacy, but the friendship thrives as long as the thing that gives the pleasure continues to exist between them.
the third group are people who love each other for what they are in themselves. It may be their depth of character, their innate goodness, their intensity of passion or their simple 'joie de vivre', but once established on such a basis these friendships are ones that will last. Undoubtedly much will be given and much taken too but the friendship itself is independent of external factors and immensely more valuable than the friendships that fall into the first two groups. The better these friends are as people, the better the quality of the friendship. This friendship is therefore also the rarest.
But does the third kind exist today? hhmmmmm i wonder.But then where do we have time right?we have our assignments,the teachers, the boss err.. yup its the same case everywhere.
lets pray for mankind then casue i have no answers to share. just apprehensions.lets hope!Man survived without the dodos.He seems not to mind the ever shortening number of animals and trees.well, then i guess men can survive without genuine pals as well.
i've often pondered over the meaning of kurt's pennyroyal tea.abortion,drugs,guilt. they called it all. but then maybe he was just playing Mr Nostradamus. sip the pennyroyal tea and cleanse ur wretched souls or a day shall come when even the cherry flavoured antacids aren gonna work its magic.some critic did call it "suicidal" but then he myt have been referring to the humankind as such.
I'm so tired I can't sleep
I'm anemic royalty
I'm a liar and a theif
I'm anemic royalty

I'm on warm milk and laxatives
Cherry-flavored antacids

Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
Distill the life that's inside of me
Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
I'm anemic royalty

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

India stinkin and lovin it.

well i've never been a great a fan of kerlala's capital thiruvananthapuram. its very lengthy by virtue of its name and still has nothing other than two wrecked big bazaars for assembling the chics.
but then i love my country and thats y i write bout it all the time.
while i was walking through the east fort region,skipping the rotting vegetables,wet condoms and God knows who's saliva on the road i noticed two foreigners, all tanned and cursing the place.
i wondered " why would anyone wanna spend an entire fortune visiting a country like India? especially if this is their attitude."
but then i dint let that thought disturb me as i strolled through streets trying different sweets.[gosh that even rhymes]
But since i had nothing else to be doing[dint bring my gf along]in this history laden hotel[you should c the rust on the so called AC compressor],i took Lauren Weisberger's 'Devil wears prada' out. and TADA..Andy gets an amoebic dysentery on her trip to India.
and so my thoughts wondered.
i tried to think of instances in movies,books,tv shows of foreigners in which India or Indians have been portrayed. and i couldnt think of any instance where they've admired the cultural heritge,,the history or the diversity we bring along.Instead its almost always been the mosquitoes,the kinky english,the study worms with pathetic slang in USA, or the train with the funniest closet they've ever seen. its all the same.and then there is the slum.something they believe the whole India to be.
and then came the filthy booker winner called WHITE TIGER.
it seems very obvious.they want India to be the dirty country.they want the indians to smell funny,they want the mosquitoes.
to tell you the truth i personally think they wouldn't visit India if it were a developed nation.
an Indian trip for them is a soul quenching 'nirvana',wherein you suffer yet u learn that India is an underdeveloped hopeless nation. they wanna know and see and feel the poverty.they wanna breathe the stinking odour. they wanna feel the polluted river.
its what the foreigners basically want. and they want to speak to the fellow WHITE humans bout the hardship they faced.about dysentery they managed.
to tell you the truth they don't really care bout the culture.the diversity. or its remarkable and enviable land patterns.
and what are we as Indians gonna do bout it? Nothing. we are nothing but blind-folded egoistic creeps who uses his 'tool' of a mind to put his neighbour in trouble.its not just Pakistan one should worry bout. its the world. the world sees us as nothing but black ugly Indians and we don't really mind it do we? a bunch of Indians were held to racist attacks by air France and what did our gov. do? NOTHING.
it is high time we realize what is happening to us. we have to respect English as a language. F the Marathi warriors and the sena. its not what India should be doing globally. what we ought to do is to point in insisting everyone that visit our country ought to know Hindi.we just need to realize Hindi is too tough a language for them to swallow.
Development doesn't mean filling factories in every corner. it means improvement of the society and the standard of living. it means ppl 'realizing' and doing what is best for his society.And how can we reach that? Through education and exposure.
There is no point brimming a child with calculus if he is gonna live his whole life in the beach with the 'local' habitants. its not that he should leave his home.But he needs to know what the world is and we need to make him a part of the developing youth of the nation.we should stand up and face every nation in the eye.To let people know that success is not just for the fact its lesser for the rich who has it very easy.
jai hind

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