Monday, October 25, 2010

This emotional world

The article is an aftermath of an year of continuous thoughts, often cruel and inhumane, that relates closely with the human emotions and my interpretations of things. Yet, it is important to realize that absolutely NO amount of research has gone into it. In fact this could all be the result of a series of false imaginations and perceptions.

Death is terrifying because it is so ordinary. It happens all the time"

March 11,2009[A Wednesday] :

Colours of love and brotherhood spread around the premises of Cochin university. It was Holi like no other Holi.Something new and refreshing about it. We ran around chasing the pretty ones, and paying back all the unpaid debt in buckets of pink and red.
BUZZ. Dad calling... "Son Ravi sir just passed away. I hear its a hear attack...Nevin u there?"

As i sit here infront of the screen i realize its been more than an year since my favourite teacher passed away. i remember the last conversation i had had with him as if it were only yesterday.A genuine teacher with a great heart and an unending passion to his subject. And easily the best teacher I've ever had by a huge margin.
What has churned me to write this article is something very different though. It seems i am devoid of feelings. Infact sir's death is the immediate example that comes into my mind when i think about these series of emotion-less incidents I've had.Two of my pals have lost their beloved and I've sat at the funeral absolutely numb to the feelings around me. the turth is my conscience kept pricking me, demanding that i genuinely feel for these people. And i did. These were my close pals.But i found it impossible to express and my eyes absolutely refused to shed tears.
Slowly I came to the conclusion that i am a being that feels no emotion whatsoever. But then it struck to me, the infinite cases were i've weeped my heart out. When my mom is sad/angry/disappointed i'm always sad. I've often been pricked with guilt. I've been bowled over by joy. Then what is it that stops me from feeling sad on hearing the news of someone's death?
Talk about lacking emotion! ok so I did commit a mistake. Anyway i put in some more thought and realized that its just death that bothers me [or rather doesn't]. maybe thats because i never knew these people close.
Here's what troubles me. i am totally numb when i hear about a real death but i find myself very un-comfortable watching 'The English Patient'. Infact its been a part of my life for a long while. I cried in the theatre when Jack sank to the bottom of the Atlantic[ and to think i was in 3rd standard] and i struggled real hard to hold back tears at the end of 'The blood diamond' .
I wonder why movies have such an effect on me while real life incidents does not invoke such emotions. very strange.


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